You are a professional competitive canoer. Yes, it exists, and you have big arms and the ability to hold your pee for a long time, nine hours even. It involves a lot of push-ups, a lot of squinting through sprays of water, a lot of grunting and taking the “leisure” out of “leisure sport.” You play center forward, which means you sit near the front, but not the very front, and on right turns you just lean. Sometimes you can pee in the canoe and no one can really tell, but you try to use that only as Plan B.
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