How to Avoid a Shark Attack:
Swim in a group
Don’t swim after dark
Don’t swim in your sea bass costume
Don’t wear diamonds in the water
If you cut your foot on a shell on your way to the water and you look down and see the blood saturating the sand in a dinosaur-shaped pool, wave to your friends and say, “Hey guys, go on in without me, I’m not coming just yet, give me a day or two to let this wound heal over first.”
Stay fifty miles east of the Pacific at all times if possible
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